Appearance at the California Readers Luncheon

12:16 PM PDT, April 8, 2008

 

Humbled. That, more than anything, is how I felt at the “We Love California Authors and Illustrators” Luncheon sponsored by California Readers on February 23, 2008. I was one of more than thirty authors who joined hundreds of librarians and students in the celebration of the 2008 California Collection, the centennial birthday of Leo Politi, and the various awards presented to schools participating in the California Readers’ programs.
 
As the keynote speaker, I was provided with a table in a prominent location to sell and sign books before the festivities got underway. Business was so brisk that I found it hard to keep up. “I have to get better at this,” I remarked to Mary, the volunteer who was handling the cashbox. “I am way too slow.” She smiled. “You’re doing fine,” she said. I have signed books before, but never while people waited in line. I felt like a popular author, if only for an hour.

Before lunch was served, the attending authors stood in line and were introduced one by one. The collection of talent was impressive: Newberry Medal winners, Golden Kite Award winners, California Book Award winners, authors whose books have appeared on the New York Times Best Seller list, even a couple whose books have been made into movies. “Are you sure you want me as your keynote speaker?” I asked the audience when I finally took the stage. “It seems as if there has been some mistake.”

Bonnie O’Brian, the board member in charge of Authors and Awards, brought me to the stage with a one-of-a-kind introduction. She remembered that in my California Readers interview a couple years earlier I had revealed that I was “a Seussoholic” as a child. I also recounted how my third grade teacher chastised me for checking out Dr. Seuss books from the library. “You need to select more challenging books,” my teacher said. I was devastated. I didn’t realize that there was anything wrong with rereading my beloved books. O’Brian recounted this story in her introduction then offered do what she could to heal the old heartbreak. “Today,” she began, “unlike Humpty Dumpty, Bradley, we will put your broken heart back together again.”

O’Brian assuaged the hurt by paying tribute to five of my books with light-hearted, line-for-line parodies of works by Dr. Seuss:

Author Bradley Steffens poses at the California Readers Luncheon with librarian Karla Forbes and aspiring writers Matthew Clackett and Itzel Rodriguez of Lockhurst Drive Elementary School.

Giants, based on One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish; Free Speech and Censorship, drawing on The Foot; J.K. Rowling, borrowing from I Can Read with My Eyes Shut; and—my favorite—Ibn al-Haytham: First Scientist, with apologies to The Eye Book:

Eyes Eyes
Light Light
My eyes Your eyes
Ibn-al-Haytham’s eyes Steffens’s eyes

Wink eye Blink eye Think eye Think eye
Ibn-al-Haytham’s eyes

My eyes see Your eyes see
Ibn’s eyes see  Steffen’s eyes see

Ibn  sat in his cell and observed the light.
He saw it in the morning and he saw it at night.

Ibn’s experiments were simple, physical, and concrete.
Designed to let anyone repeat and repeat.

The scientific method he did create.
It has been used ever since without debate.

Ibn developed the first device for projecting an image on a wall.
Then he used his eyes as he was enthralled.

He sat and he stared and he did observe
That vision occurs when light enters the eye
and stimulates the optic nerve.

His Book of Optics about vision and light.
Much enthusiasm did invite.

I see him And he sees me.

Our eyes see blue.
Our eyes see red.
They see a bird.
They see a bed.

They see the sun.
They see the moon.
They see a fork, a knife, a spoon.

They look down holes.
They look up poles.

Our eyes see rings.
Our eyes see strings.
They see so many, many things!
So many things!
Like rain and pie…
And dogs and airplanes in the sky!

And so we say,
Hooray for eyes!
Hooray for Ibn al-Haytham’s eyes
Hooray for Bradley Steffens’ eyes
Hooray, hooray, hooray…
For eyes!

The amount to time O’Brian spent composing these burlesques must have been substantial. I was impressed. And humbled.

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